Dad?

(Dad, let me ask you 1 question, when you started with this family, was your initial thinking so negative, did you plan to be selfless or selfish?)


Dad, have you tried to think back on those times when I was 4 or 5? I was contempted just by you taking my to the beach to build sandcastles? All the happy moments we had? Saving me when I was drowning. Then teaching me how to swim,dive and stand up for myself. Giving me a good home, no quarrels with mummy. No worries about financial issues, everything was just perfect.

Then when I was 7, primary one-pri three. I always got 1st or 2nd for grades and in sports day.I was going all out to make you proud.(somehow I tried to be the best son out there because you were the best dad out there)I still remembered when I was primary 3 I got 100for chinese 99for maths and 97 for english. But my mom did a mistake. She said "don't be too proud of yourself.dont because of this time then think you're number 1 already." I knew my mom wanted to warn me not to be complacent.I understand..not only after I grew up.What do you think a kid would expect if he dashes into the living room and said "hey mom! guess what! this is gonna make you happy and proud." definitely I wanted you to praise me, a pat on the back lah!
(But I dont blame my mom.we do say the wrong stuffs sometimes.She's awesome!)

Then came my 8th birthday, the year where everything went wrong. Dad failed his business and turn into a very very ugly man. He started to have negative thinkings about me. and THE WHOLE FAMILY LITERALLY DIDN'T CELEBRATED BIRTHDAYS as he banned it. (It was an incident that screwed up that let him make this decision) Quarrels between him and mummy started and it became frequent. My grades took a huge plunge and I didn't try my best to be number.1 son anymore.No more competing with cousins, no more trying to make you stop praising my cousins by giving you good grades.The silver spoon was forced out from my mouth.

Mom secretly gives us birthday treats and nv failed to give us presents for our birthdays( she lied to dad that we did great for our tests) I hated my father. "Prove it to me! use your good grades to slam my mouth shut" He never knew he painted a very wrong image. My hero turned his back on me.

I've started to look for acceptance out there.made friends which is able to continue to show me the world. Tell me things I've never heard before, teach me stuffs I was never allowed to play with. eg: paper bullet, air gun LOL!

Still, I wanted things to turn back to the times where it used to be. Deep down inside, I still wanted to be number 1. BECUZ FCKIN ASIAN PARENTS LIKE TO COMPARE! I don't go to you and say "Dad, why people live in big houses but we dont. why people's son has playstation and sega consoles but we dont. why people parents earn 6figures incomes but you dont. Because A CHILD SEE'S THE BEST IN THEIR PARENTS.. like an idol, a hero comparable to white ranger,spiderman,batman and Hercules. So I wish you did the same. Instead of "have you finish your homework? have you learnt your spelling and me xie? Later I'm gonna test you!"
why not try this , while waiting for you to come back home after work and hug me and shout "here's the number 1 son!"


Then primary 5, you transfer me to another school. Because you said that I was hanging out with the wrong company.Whenever a maid of mine left, I would always be there @ the airport.Seizing every glimpse I can view her.trying my best to hold back every single tear. I knew I was never going to see her again. someone who cleans your bruises, someone who tells you stories......someone who pats you to sleep.
And now, you transfer me to another school, the moment I learnt about "lifelong friends" It's like losing 20maids all @ once!
So now it's a fresh start for me..the new smell of your uniform.new pencil case.new school bag.new environment.....new friends..studying in a new enviroment is hard.

Primary 6, the show MVP qing ren was the trend. So naturally I was into basketball.(this fever lasted all the way till sec 2-3) still it was PSLE and I still study hard to manage to get into express stream.

Secondary school
sec1-got into Peicai secondary learnt about the "guardian of the school" Osbert on the 3rd day of school while playing basketball. Though Osbert likes to bully us, he makes sure that he's the only 1 that's allowed to bully us. For the 1st half year was literally school-basketball-home-homework-sleep. 2nd half when I get to knew Junhao Junboon and Yijie and the girls in our class better.we called ourselves 4brothers.LOL! Especially Junhao. we joked throughout sec2!

sec2- made friends with haojie alvin osbert and kiansern. They painted a word so lively and awesome. still remember haojie with his turtle tail, alvin with his big muscle @ his arm osbert with his signature "dunk" and kiansern with his bicycle. I was on bad terms with my parents.I never wanted to talk to them. I feel that friends are the one you can count on, no longer parents.Friends can give you a better life than your parents.

sec3-Got to know xiaolong, my mentor..the guy that has been through all this shit.the guy who explained to me why did my parents react this way and telling me that freedom is gained through trust.The guy that called my parents up and explain what phase his son is going through. I enjoy talking to him. @ the same time got to know A4 better, was introduced to a world of alcohol, my dad never disapprove of me having fun with alcohol.The first time I got drunk was @ 214, ALFRED WAS THERE TOO!

sec4-things with my family hasn't got better.I start to be rebellious,sleep overs dyed hairs fancy hairstyles was the life.Didn't had any conversation with Dad,shouting was the only way we communicated. My mother was my counsellor,the house was like a hotel. Along the road learnt alot of humourous stuffs and how to argue with people.(I've never won haojie in an argue before.maybe once or twice only.haha!) Was introduced to the clubbing society by my poser Ming Shuang during September.

Flunk O levels and spent all my time hanging around outside. Hiong-ed into clubs and getting drunk was the BOMB! Knew aaron,junbin,jeremy b2 and kek leng. They were good friends.Intro me a promoter job @ sony selling cameras. Teaching sales techniques, Junbin taught me how to crap with customers and got crazy @ mustafa road show.We were wrestling with each other,shuffling and giving our supervisor the worst time he can ever get.
Cameras also gave me a topic to really have a conversation with that as he was a photographer in the past.

Dad was always complaining how life is tough now, always reminding me that I must never end up like my cousin's from my mother's side.
money is the family's main concern now,
always telling me that he has all the money saved up because he predict that we are not going to support him when he grows old. (Dad, let me ask you 1 question, when you started with this family, was your initial thinking so negative, did you plan to be selfless or selfish?)
This also made me very sensitive to jokes regarding $.I'll get pissed immeadiatly.

Recently just learnt how to drive taught by Dad, still the same old him. always competing, telling me how my cousin passed he's driving test in 3weeks time. I saw the "Dad" that was comparing when I was 6 again.

I'm not yearning to be a perfect person in life, but yearning to be perfect in your eyes..
It's said that "no matter how old you are, you will always be a child in your parents eyes"
so, Dad,Mom....praise me like when I was a child? A negative child can only produce negative results..

To all Parents out there,whenever you feel negative..think of the initial thinking of what are you gonna give your child when he was still an infant.Those planning never go wrong.

Hi,Finally reversed my timing! yay! Was on a phone confrence for like 8-9hours yesterday.haha!

Alright let me begin. 2days ago, I dreamt of Jason. We were @ some place.kinda similar to a dance studio, sitting in a circle. There was like a few of us there..but I cant remember who. we were there sitting down talking cock when all of a sudden, Jason came over and throw a pair of boxing gloves over and ask me to go one on one with him..LOL! I said "you nothing better to do ah?!" Jason merely replied that he was bored and it's been awhile since we last had this kinda fun.

After putting on the gloves, while looking in his eyes..There I was analyzing the situations and environment.. haha! no idea why I dreamt of that though. This part of the dream, seemed like a movie. (picture this, putting on your gloves. both @ opposite corners. tightening your gloves.everything in slow-mo.. then in your mind.black and white pictures form..pictures about the last fight with him..) haha! damn epic right! This is where my dream ended..I KNOW ITS FUCKED THAT IT DOESNT HAD AN ENDING..OR IT DIDN EVEN STARTED.But It's because that dream was in the midst of a 3hour nap. Not long enough for the ending.(hope there'll be a sequel!)

Now, I know why I had no dream the other night already. Becuz someone was dreaming about me..I was roaming Esta's Arcadia that I didn came back to my own Elysium.

There I was, A young renegade. Flying a combat helicopter. I was bombing kovan. Shooting rocket missles @ heartland mall when all of a sudden, I heard someone below screaming. "Hey! Ben!! STOP!! IT'S ME!" It was Esta. From above, there she was, the little figure below waving and screaming for me instead of trying to escape.haha! So I moved in, lowered my chopper and rescued her. ( Im guessing that Esta might be thinking that I had no choice but to do this, I was a servant for the government. I was Forced! So she knew I would rescue her..hahaha)

After that, I flew the helicopter out of the warzone into somewhere tranquil.(Esta described to me that the helicopter was like those from the movie, Avatar. So I was guessing the place has  to be...The heart of En'wa? lol ) We were lying on the grass patch, not thinking about anything just enjoying the time together. (speaking about this.Reminds me of another movie. Twilight New Moon.The part where Edward and Bella  lying on the fields haha!) After that, I proposed to Esta and we got married.


I dont know if I had left anything out, I cant possibly recall everything she said. :)

I just had the feeling of Dejavu while reading something online.Damn it feels good! Dreams do come true! hahahaha

I've heard this line for a million times already.But a funky guy with white hair named Albert Einstein once told me, "Imagination is more important than knowledge"

So I chose to listen to that funky guy.

Anyway, I have dreamt of NOTHING for the past 2 days. (what is this blog gonna feed on if I never dream again!)

Therefore, I'm gonna blog about my life today :) Went to tamp to look for Makus, His 2camp mates his camp mate's girl Danny Junhao and Ming Shuang.Went to Starbucks and have my GreenTeaFrappe..It my favourite starbucks drink.but I think it's starting to get boring already..
It's too sweet, it makes you thirsty and it's like "green diarrhea in a cup" (as quoted by Nigahigah) After awhile I got a lil bored and I place Junhao's sushi bought from some take-away jap shop and place it on the Starbucks plate which was left by the previous people on the table.
Should have taken a photo..Damn! Then I put whipped cream on top of a sushi and fooled around with Junhao's food. After that we played the pub game "Direction" and the loser must eat that sushi. The game got even worst when the forfeit is to eat the left over mudcake. Followed by the last round--someone else left over frappe on top of that mudcake..Fckin disgusting..and guess who lost the last round? ME!-.-

Then we head to serangoon to play dota.I sat Junhao's bike.so we made a trip to his place first.AND SUPRISINGLY JUNHAO ACTUALLY LET ME PLAY HIS BIKE!! (He was there saying "clutch in..den throttle...den SLOOOWWLLLY release clutch.) After facing a couple of engine halts, I got the hang of it.and even changed to gear 2!!(Dont worry Junhao.I'll lend you play my car once I get my liscence!)

After dota, we made my poser sit on the bike and ask Junhao to take her for a small spin.From screaming even before the bike moved..till sitting the bike all around singapore within a day..haha! shall touch on that a lil more later..

Went for mahjong @ my place after that and my poser,the slowest player I've encounter, actually won the most! Talk about the hare and tortise story..haha! My poser realized that it's impossible for her to be on time for school and panic-ed in the end, she was psycho-ed by us to skip classes. haha! I must say..she's an honest person..becuz she super bad @ lying! (So in order not to be a bad influence, I've decided not to meet my poser till after her exams)

After mahjong.they continued to slack @ my place. Danny was sleeping Junhao dota-ing and Ming Shuang was hopping from places to places to keep herself awake.@ the end of the day all my house towels was being used because there was literally My dad,mom,me,my twin sister,my younger sister,Junhao, Danny, MingShuang that took a shower.(Those that bathed @ using the toilet outside smelled like my maid! hahahaha)

@ around 1+ they left my place..my day ended here..but not for JUNHAO AND MINGSHUANG!
let's summarize this part.they went home get changed took junhao's pay took mingshuang's mc(all the way from hougang polyclinic to 3 other clinics cuz the first few was closed) and then back home then went to play dota again?! after that Junhao took her home and continued for another dota session with me jasper and the rest. TOTAL HOURS CLOCKED 38hours! And Junhao literally had no energy to argue with people the whole time...

THAT'S ALL! ( I hope I dream of something interesting later...)

Have you ever dreamt of the same place more than once before? Not talking about your house your school your grandma house or any other place you reconigze..

My dream happened to be @ this shopping mall,very dimly lighted like those arcades @ bugis junction.It's 4story high with up to basement 5,all the way from basement 3 to 2floor,a portion of it is occupied by an electronic/furniture store like ikea,courts.The celling has this huge disco ball and a huge replica of Earth.
I dreamt of this particular shopping mall 3times already.(no idea why though)

In my dream, I didn dream of any special girl or some girl who you can only see back view and all that shit.I dreamt of Ron the 1st time. The 2nd time, I was all alone in the shopping mall..not a single soul,not even any1 working there. The 3rd time I dreamt I was roaming the mall alone.While walking on the last level, I saw alfred and joey.Alfred was holding on to his darts and said "bean! why u alone sia.anyway the arcade there got sell dart stuffs"after that alfred called me along for japanese cuisine.TOO BAD! BEFORE I GET TO TASTE THOSE FOOD..THE DREAM ENDED!

hmm..I guessed that mall might be the only mall in lala land..that's why I always dream of it.(btw, sometimes I prefer to shop alone.when I shop in a group.I wouldnt buy anything @ all.maybe that explains why Im alone in the mall for all 3dreams)

BeaN~

Have you ever got dreamt of being chased by big time mafias without knowing actually what's the reason behind it? Here's my story..

(One sunny afternoon?) Me and my friends, ah hao ah di and junbin and a few more I cant recall..were at ah hao's place. We just got back from buying lunch back,so we crowd around the living room, sitting down and chatting away.

Like most hdb flats.the gates were close but we left the main door open(more windy I guess)
so while we were eating on the sofa,watching some tv..2guys came towards the gate and said "excuse me can we come in and take a look" suprisingly my friend opened the door.
as soon as the 2guys came in.they took out a knife and said it was a robbery! haha! This get's even more exciting when 1 of them slashes my friend and there was blood spilling all over.All of us then push the robbers till they fall and ran out of the house.Surprisingly, instead of ransacking the house, the robber chased us 1 of them chased me. I was running for my life, looking back all the time to make sure I maintain a distance between the robber and jumping down flights of stairs.(I was litterally unstoppable @ that moment,I cant jump like the whole flight of stairs @ 1 go.) the flights of stairs seemed endless..I was jumping one after another..this is how my dream ended..I cant remember the rest.

I know this line is often used..but THAT SHIT FELT DAMN REAL! I litterally felt that my heart rate was 1000bpm. panting while I was running those stairs..haha!

My first blog entry:) Welcome,unless something very special in the day happened eg.my birthday,my house caught fire,my fish drowned,someone broke a toenail,your cat had constipation or even your dog breakdancing..I'll be blogging more about my sleep.

Yes,I'll be blogging about my dreams:)